In My First 100 Days As POTUS

Dear potential donor: Have you noticed that since this wacko election season began nobody has said boo about what he or she would actually do on the off-chance that he or she were to wind up in the Oval Office?

Let me be the first.

If I were POTUS, I would be-quick-as-a-bunny to act on the following initiatives in my first 100 days:

Agriculture. IMO, every public school and federal prison should have an organic garden, and the kids and the inmates should do the work. Research shows that pulling weeds and experimenting with kale recipes is good for people.

The environment. America has too many lawns and not enough butterfly gardens. Lawns are basically chemical dumps. Lady Bird Johnson planted wildflowers along the Interstate; I will ask people to toss out their power mowers and plant black-eyed Susans and milkweed.

The arts. Our nation is in serious need of art therapy—just look at all the nut jobs in politics today. I propose Art Fridays, when everybody—carwash attendants, corporate vice-presidents, congressional leaders—gets the day off to make and appreciate art.

Reforming our criminal justice system. We need to put more animals in prison. Caring for a pet makes us better people, and a lot of dogs, cats, and horses need a loving home.

Notice my use of the subjunctive, above: If I were POTUS, this is what I would do. Because I'm still asking myself whether being the nation's chief exec is a job that a sane person would volunteer for. Will let you know my decision by the end of next week.

Love, Sadie

PS The photo is of a community garden in Detroit.