Saturday, August 27, 2016

Questions to Ask Yourself Before Running for Prez

Your new workplace.
Today a dear friend suggested that, were I to become the first female U.S. president, I “would not like the job.” Her concern triggered some serious soul-searching. If you, too, are thinking of running for president (because honestly, will there ever be a better time?), I urge you to ask yourself the following questions, which I have helpfully bullet-pointed.

* Are you qualified? I answered this question yes, because the job is basically making speeches, right? I’m pretty good at making speeches. I can even write my own. In fact, I've been writing my own speeches since seventh grade, when I did a humorous presentation, in Miss Weeks's English class, about how to give your dog a bath (my former classmates will testify to its success).

* Do you really want to live in Washington, D.C.? The fact that the job comes with a place to live is a plus for me, since I am essentially homeless, having spent the past five years living in my mother-in-law's apartment. On the minus side, D.C. is hot in summer and I have absolutely no friends there.

* Do you really want a chauffeur, a cook, a housekeeper, a secretary, and a private jet? Of course you do.

* Can you live with the office email system? Because I'm told it sucks. On the bright side: You will have your own office. Not a tiny cubicle furnished with a drawer full of paper napkins and plastic spoons and a dog-eared copy of Words Into Type but a real office with an ergonomic chair and a door that you can shut.

* Can you live on $400,000 per year and a pension of $200,000 (plus a little extra for things like postage)? Yeah, me too. I mean, I've never tried it, but I'm sure I could manage. Besides, as the first woman president in U.S. history, I bet I could get an amazing book deal.

xo Sadie

Above: President Obama meets with a Secret Service agent and his family in the Oval Office (2014).

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